Thursday, February 16, 2006

Claire's crying

So, well I've been crying a bit. Despite my excitment. I'm getting really sad to leave Jo'burg. I'm really sad to be leaving my mum and dad. Weird for a 26 year old girl. But that old saying about not knowing what you have until its gone, well at least 'til its going is true. I hate that it is. I think human nature is both predictable and unbelievably adaptable. I know I will be fine, and more than fine, I know I will be happy, it is just the way people are, you adjust, you make do. We are all optimists when pushed, we will find the good in the sad, the unfamiliar, the cold, the hard - because if we don't, what is the alternative? I also am a strong seeker of the hard, the challange, not just for the sake of it, but because I am not who I can be yet, and without challenge I will never know who I am capable of becoming.

So through my own quest for a better self, I must leave. I must leave the best friends I have ever known, without fully knowing that our friendships will stand the test of time. I must leave my mum and dad, my sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, evryone who loves me - who has to love me. I must leave the chocolate babies that I live to help. I must leave the warm sun. Our little house. My car. The friendly security guards in our complex. South Africa. Africa.

For now, I am unsure what for. If we return I know it will be for a longing for all that we have missed and love and with a knowledge that this is where we want to be. If we don't, well then there will be better. Right now it feels like we're going on an adventure, a long holiday. Its the same feeling I had before I went to varsity, and before I knew it it had been 6 years and Cape Town was my home.

So. Thats it for today. Hopefully through the wonders of technology I'll be able to keep in touch. I can only hope you will miss me as much as I'll miss you. I miss you already.


Post a Comment

<< Home